Wednesday, March 30, 2011


A family is a beautiful thing...
and you never know that until you find yourself without one.

I wasn't raised like a normal kid. I wasn't always wanted by my parents. I was tossed around among relatives, put into homes, that kinda thing. Once my parents figured out they actually wanted me and decided to raise me in their house, they took new jobs that forced them to be away all the time.

I honestly cannot remember the last time my entire family has been in the same house together for longer than two days.

Maybe that's for the best. I don't know.

As I have gotten older I have learned to cope with never having my parents around. I moved off to college and never really thought twice about it. I just figured it was normal to get the ocassional post card from some random city from my mother and the gifts from odd foreign countries from my father. I never thought it was strange that I would go home to an empty house on the weekends just to get away from school and neither one of them would be there to welcome me home with a smile and a hug.

A part of me has always longed for a big family, brothers, sisters, loving parents, maybe a few fun pets around. Instead I was content with consistently absent parents, a half brother that lives 600 miles away and a cat that only wants me around for feeding time.

I guess we're just not the "family" type.

I guess that's why I'm so nervous around other people's families.

Tonight I had dinner with Shaun's family and the whole time I absolutely loved it. How warm and welcoming they all are, how happy they all seem. Sure I know life gets stressful for them, and bad things happen, but it seems like they have such a strong family bond that those bad things really don't matter. I sat at the table, eating a dinner his mom lovingly prepared for us, and just looked at Shaun. He looked so happy and so at ease just sitting there, surrounded by the people that love him the most and I kinda envied him a bit. He had this beautiful family that loved him and was always there for him, and I had nothing. I had an usually empty apartment, lonely long nights, and the occassional phone call from my mother to tell me how much she dislikes me. I wanted what he has.

He assured me at the end of the night that his family loves me and that I am always welcome back there anytime I want to come by. What little did he know is that I never wanted to leave. Not just because he was there; but because there was a family there that made me feel welcome and loved and like I had a home.

I hope for such an amazing family one day.

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