Have you ever had a song that just hits you out of nowhere and you have to sit down and think...wow....that's perfect?
I have two now.
I was tuned into a pandora country station (don't judge me, I've been a little homesick and this helps) and the song Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band came on. Normally I don't pay much attention to my pandora, its just background noise so my apartment isn't so deafeningly quiet all the time. However, there was something about this song that made me sit down and just listen.
It blew me away.
Shaun was in town this weekend and we had a small fight. Our first really bad one since we got back together. Things were said, implications were made, and tears were shed. All during a car ride home from dinner with my parents. I think the most hurtful part of the entire argument wasn't the fact that Shaun was upset, it was the fact he was upset and I didn't notice it until he mentioned it. I want nothing more in this life than for him to be happy and smiling the adorable smile I love so much to see on him. The fact that I did something to take that smile away killed me inside. I had no idea how to react. I felt like the worst girlfriend in the entire world and wondered why on earth someone has completely perfect as him was even wasting his time with a screw up like myself. I apologized profusely and just wanted things to go back to like they were before the fight. I wanted us to be happy and enjoy what little time we actually get together. Shaun has no idea how much I treasure the weekends I get with him.
We got back to my place and I felt so uneasy. I just knew this was the beginning of the end with us. I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him when things had been so perfect. I was there, in my room, about to break down and lose it, when he did something he's never done while fighting. I was in my usual flurry of cleaning off my desks (I clean when I feel nervous or uneasy, its a weird trait of mine) and he walked over to me, took whatever I had out of my hands, and wrapped me in his arms. He just held me for the longest time. What he did next I'll never in my life forget.
He pulled away slightly and looked me dead on with those beautiful coffee-brown eyes of his and said, "I'm sorry we fought and I'm sorry for the things I said. I just want you to know that nothing will change how I feel about you and nothing will ever make me leave you again. You're all I want."
Talk about falling apart....
I almost lost it right then and there. I teared up and latched onto him like he was the last life raft on the Titanic. He knows just what to say to make my heart melt and to make me fall head over heels in love with him again and again.
This was a turning point for us. Instead of getting mad and just walking away and taking time apart, we stayed together. We talked things out and we made up and moved on. Everything felt amazing and it honestly felt like we were invincible. We may still have small fights here and there; every couple does. However, it will never be as bad as it was before and it might even bring us closer together in the long run. It was our greatest victory together.
Anyways, as I was cleaning tonight this "Crazy Girl" song came on and from the first chord, I listened. Suddenly, there I was, sitting on the edge of my bed alone in my room, tearing up to the lyrics in a song as I pictured Shaun's sweet face as he told me he was never leaving again.
He's the most wonderful thing I've ever been blessed with.
"We're gonna do what lovers do and we're gonna have a fight or two, but I ain't ever changing my mind."